What are they really thinking?
by Sabookie
Summary: Title is self explanitory... But to all of you stupid people out there, its about what the Bebop Crew (And sometimes the others...) are really thinking about... Updated whenever I feel like it so dont give me any lip.
1. EIN: Useless Rant pt1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything about this show. I love this show. It belongs to its rightful owner and the other important people who have contributed to the making of this fine anime. May the Lord and lady Bless your travels wherever that may be....

A/N: Shut up and read

EIN:

You know what...

I am so sick of chat rooms...

Not just the regular ones, but the RPG ones...

I cant stand them

I don't see how Ed goes up there every fricken day... The people have no lives.... NO lives I tell you. But its not like she has much of a life anyway... They all go up there, they 'meet' other people... Then they either fight or Cyber..., Its very pathetic. And then the ones that HAVE been up there for more than a month(The super geeks as I call them), either try to dictate to you, or are nice to the ones that need to be busted upside the head... And what and I talking about? Its not just the Super Geeks that that dictate to you, its also the 40 year old men pretending to be 13 year old girls who have only been up there for a few days...

Everybody acts like they know everything on those RPG chats also, and walk around with a stick up their ass... But that's the thing, you cant see them... So you don't know whether or not they have a stick up their ass, but If you were ever to see them, they would probably have a stick in their rectum the size of, I don't know... A big dog bone... A really big dog bone...

Speaking of bones, I'm fucking sick of this human shit that they call food... What is it, a fricken peanut every now and then? This is NOT the way that I was supposed to live! Where the hell are those IOPETA(Inter Galactic PETA) people when you need them huh? They always show up when a dogs having fun... Like that one time that Spike gave me a little sip of Vodka... Ok, so it wasn't a little sip, more like he was drunk and fell asleep with the bottle in his hand and, lets see a little bit... Let me stop lying, it was almost half of the damn bottle...

I never knew my mother... Do I even have a mother? The only thing that I remember is me waking up... In a lab! Do you know what that can do to a poor little Corgy... huh? I don't think you do... I'm traumatized....

But I guess I have it good, ya know... Compared to Spike and his woman troubles, Faye and her identity crisis, and poor poor Jet who has no friends, always talking to his Bonsai... Dressing them... Cutting them... Caressing them...

Speaking of caressing, guess who I saw together the other day... Wow, you just don't know how long I have been wanting to get this off of my chest, but since I cant speak I cant tell anyone what I saw... So I guess I just will have to keep on writing it down until my little genius Edward invents something that can give me a voice... So, anyway, here it is: Spike and little Miss. Priss Valentine where in the engine room, and they weren't just caressing either. I mean full on tongue action was going on too: His hand caressing his her thigh as she raised it up and resting it on his hip, pushing herself onto him... But it didn't get any further than that as Jet almost walked in on them. It was so funny watching them shocked for once... Which is something because those are two people who have 'Seen it all' as humans say... It was a shame that they straightened up just in time before Jet actually saw them... I would have liked to see that one...

A/N thingy again: Well, to be honest, I was really P'Od when I wrote this if you cant already tell. I wouldn't be surprised if I get no reviews at all and just a ton of flames but I don't care. STFU and count on another chapter with another person's thoughts. You can tell me who you want next in the review that you should send me or else! Lol, w/e bye.


	2. Spike: Bathroom Duty pt1

DISCLAIMER: I have nothing to do with the creation of any characters/settings/and/or paraphernalia that this great show/movie(s) entitles.

All credit goes to the people featured in the ending credits.

A/N: Oh no! It can't be! Bathroom duty!

SPIKE, Bebop, 15:14pm:

"Spike why don't you get up and do something? I mean you have been sitting on the couch watching Big Shots and Paid Programming all day... Don't you have any incentive?"

I looked up at him, giving him an evil eye that he only returned. I hate it when Jet talks to me that way, like I'm a child. Or no, even worse, like he's a football coach and I'm the scraggly little lanky pale kid who has no business playing the sport... Like he's my goddamn father...

"Incentive?" I asked, half listening to him and turning the channels to the holographic television/computer at the same time, my legs hanging over the arm of the couch and my body laying on it, my head resting on one of the flattened pillows...

"Yes! Incentive Spike! Initiative! Motivation! Impetus! Spur! Impulse... Forget you sitting on that couch all day... You've been laying on it all week..."

"Yea... So?" Flick Flick... Damn it... Still nothing is on... Flick Flick...

I leaned over to pick up my already lit cigarette and that's when Jet flipped...

He stood up from the metal bench type thing that he was sitting on and threw his hands to his side before raising them up to his face again and doing all of these strange hand movements that if I didn't know better I would have mistaken him for being gay (no offence).

I tilted my head up and looked at him, breaking my eyes away from the holographic screen for a moment as I raised the cigarette up to my mouth...

"That's it I've had it Spike..."

Puff Puff... I had to fight the urge to smile. I think its so funny seeing Jet upset at somebody, because his voice never sounds really mad... It's always so mellow... Any way back to the story...

"If you don't get off of your ass and do something helpful around here, I'm sorry but your out..."

I had to sit up at that one.

"What do you mean I'm out!?" I shouted back, my cigarette hanging off of my lip... "This is _MY_ ship... That's mutiny Goddamn it!"

He put his balled up fists on his hips and sighed in that motherly way that I CANT STAND

"Well Spike... It's a group decision... The bounties having been coming in as often... You've been slacking off ever since that Andy guy showed up... And..."

As if right on cue Faye walked into the bridge, smiling smugly with her cold, cocky eyes on me, her hands on her hips and a dull yellow towel covering her body... I knew she was checking me out once again but I didn't say anything, as there were more important things to discuss at the moment... And what can I say? People always want what they can't have...

"And what he's trying to say Spike is that we don't need you anymore. And well, in fact we have never needed you. So if all your going to do is sit on the couch, smoking and eating the little bit of food that we have, then bye bye."

By the time that she was done saying that my cigarette was on the ground and my mouth halfway open, and Jet's mouth was to the ground, both of our eyes wide and staring at her.

It was like that for a minute before Jet finally cleared his throat and looked at me...

"Well, I didn't want to say it like that..." He shot an evil eye at Faye, who returned it with a cocky grin. "But Spike she's right... You haven't done anything for about a month. It's getting to be a burden..."

"Oh Jet just tell him!"

God I wish that woman would shut up, and I could tell jet was thinking the same thing.

"Tell me what?!"

"Ok... Ok Faye, I'll tell him... Spike..." He sighed... "You have bathroom duty."

I nearly fell off of the couch as he broke the news down to me, tears building up in my eyes as pictures of that horrid bathroom flash before his eyes... The Horror!

Obviously they noticed the look of distain written all over my face, it was Jet to speak first and break the lingering silence of my demise.

"Spike... Its not that bad..." He tried to reason, his voice sounding like he is talking a child into cleaning up their toys. It didn't help.

I heard Faye smirk and I looked up at her, only to see her back towards me as she started to walk up the stairs. She stopped on the last step and put her hands on her hip, smirking again.

"Oh yea, the bathroom supplies are waiting for you in the bathroom. Have fun."

She didn't even bother to look at me as she exited the Bridge, disappearing in the hallway, her laughter lingering though.

After a few minutes of silence and me glaring at her my eyes turned to glare at Jet instead who was still in the bridge with me. He was just standing there with a stupid look on his face... I recognized the face immediately as I have had that face before on occasion with Faye, and I had it almost all the time with... Julia.

He noticed that I was glaring at him and he cleared his throat, looking away from me and at the ground... I knew something was up...

"Spike, come on... Give me a break..." He muttered helplessly...

Yes... Just a I had suspected and dreaded... He had been pussywhipped...

A/NN thingy: Yuss, I'm back, sorry for the wait. But like I said, I write whenever the hell I feel like it so bah! I hope you enjoy, no actually I couldn't really care. Flame, Exclaim, do what you want but just review so I can know that you cared, or didn't care... whatever.

Oh yea. Thanks for everyone... ok, lol, the four people that actually had enough time in their lives to review.

PS: Don't cha like my disclaimer? It sounds so professional.


	3. Ed: The Intruder!

Disclaimer: I have so many product names in here that I don't own that it's pathetic. Go pick on someone else please... Oww... If not, then blame it on the cramps... They did it. Not me.

A/N: A mystery guest is just like mystery meat... but in what ways other than the word 'Mystery' that seems to be in front of both words I do not know. Read at your own risk.... Seriously.

Bebop: Main Hallway: 13:47

"OHHHHHH!

Does Edward have something to tell you Ein!

Guess what Ed just heard?!"

**Woof**

**Wag Wag**

"Oh! Ein! Its so juicy! Ed has to tell someone! Who can Ed tell?"

**Woof Woof**

"Can Edward trust Ein?"

**Wag Wag Wag Woof**

"Good! But only if Ein promises not to tell Spike Spike, Jet Jet, or _her_..."

**Growl Woof Shake Wag**

"Oki Oki. Ein promised. Now lean in and keep it down a bit. We don't need THEM listening in on Edward and Ein talk now do we?"

**Nod**

**Walk Walk Walk**

**Lean, wag**

"Edward just caught glimpse of this strange thing aboard the Bebop. It was tall, spiky blond hair, sunglasses and a _BIG_ red trench coat. Nothing has Edward ever seen like it."

**Blink Blink**

"Edward tried to bite the intruder's hand, but only tasted leather, no skin."

_Edward gagging face_

**Blink Blink**

"It bit Ed back too!"

_Ed shows hand: Big red teeth marks in it_

**Growl**

"Indeed. Ed growled and pounced, but it was too fast. It dodged Edwards teeth this time and Ed hit Ed's head on a pipe..."

_Ed puts her hand on her head and falls down on the metal floor dramatically_

**Growl Growl**

"Ed fell asleep, but Ed heard its boots go clank clank clank on down the hallway. Ed wake up and Ed see Ein. So Ed told Ein the story. And now Ed is with Ein and the story is told."

**Blink Blink**

_Ed stands up suddenly putting her right hand over her heart and her left hand in the air, her eyes staring ahead blankly._

"Ed solemnly swears to find this intruder and bring it to justice in the name of Bebop!"

_Ed looks down at Ein_

"Is Ein with Ed?"

**Wag Wag Woof Woof**

"Great!"

_Ed turns around to face the other side of the hallway, pointing in front of her_

"Lets Go!"

_Ed runs down the hallway_

**Run Wag Run Follow Follow Wag**

A/N: See, look at where drinking Limited Edition Pitch Black Mountain Dew gets you while listening to Marilyn Manson and KoRn, watching The Girl Next Door(AWESOME MOVIE BY THE WAY! I LOVE IT. I WOULD HAPPILY MARRY ELI lol! I wuv Eli) and having horrible cramps gets you. I'm trying to not write chapters that are more then like 2,000 words and so far I'm succeeding. Guess what? This one is only 312 words without this stupid A/N thingy. Eh, the next time I'll update??? STOP ASKING ME! I don't know now shove it already. I don't care if you read. This Chapter SUCKS!

PS: Pepsi should be paying me for advertising their product.

PPS: Fox should be paying me for advertising their movie also.

PPPS: I'm waiting...

PPPPS: Um... Any moment now the money should be rolling in...

PPPPPS: Oh yea, Nothing and Interscope records should be showing me the money.

PPPPPPS: And whatever record label owns KoRn should be paying me...

PPPPPPPS: I'm still waiting

PPPPPPPPS: I think I should stop with the PS's now shouldn't I?

PPPPPPPPPS: lol, Sorry, I just had to fit in one more for the road... I'm such a lonely Sumbitch.


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